From:  Miss Blu in HR

To:  All Employees

Re:  Perfume Assaults Policy

It has been brought to the attention of HR that some employees feel (okay, ONE employee feels) assaulted by the ridiculous amounts of perfume some of you are wearing, so HR created the following policy, which is effective immediately.

Perfume Assaults Policy:  It is this Company’s policy that all employees shall refrain from assaulting other employees with perfume.  As you all know, some of us (or one of us!) may be allergic or have some sort of other aversion to smelling perfumes or other scents, and of course HR must try to accommodate these people.  Thus, all employees are forbidden from wearing perfume in the office, because heaven forbid the perfume waft over into someone else’s breathing space.  Spraying perfume or any other scent on yourself while in the office is strictly prohibited.

As part of your daily grooming practices, you may use hair products, deodorant, and the like.  However, none of these products can be scented/perfumed because if someone smells you, they may be assulted, and you know we cannot allow that to happen.

HR will begin to patrol the office to ensure compliance with this policy.  Those employees found smelling too “perfumey” will be sent home to re-groom in accordance with this policy.  Repeat violators will be disciplined.

*Miss Blu is the nom de plume for a Human Resources professional who lives and works in Southwest Florida.  You can find her complete biography here.