To:   All Employees  

From:   Miss Blu* in HR

Re:  Workplace Policy #101:  Drinking at Company Party

As you are aware, the company party is coming up this weekend. HR is concerned that some employees will get snockered at this event. Since some of those in HR plan on getting wasted as well, HR has put into place some guidelines for all employees who choose to consume alcoholic beverages.

You should have someone who is sober drive you home or you should have someone call you a cab if:

  • You are taking off articles of clothing (you have had too much to drink)
  • You are vomiting at any point in the evening (you have had too much to drink)
  • You are starting to bad mouth the boss and/or company (you definitely have had too much to drink)
  • You are falling down, “tripping” or running into walls or other objects (you are drunk)
  • You start hitting on the busboy in front of your date/escort (you are probably intoxicated and should seek alternate ways home, unless the busboy offers to take you home, then your problem is solved)
  • You think you sound good when you sing the karaoke version of My Achy Breaky Heart (enough said — you are wasted)

HR requests that the above guidelines be followed on Saturday. If anyone has any questions, please see HR. Failure to follow these guidelines could result in disciplinary action, up to and including immediate termination.

*Miss Blu is the nom de plume for a Human Resources professional who lives and works in Southwest Florida.  You can find her complete biography here.